I have been away from Australia for close to 3 years, I have been residing in the UK since July 2015 (If you disregard my 16 months in total away from the UK in the last 4 years). But, one thing I have never written about much was the *CLOSE* to 2 months I spent in the Victorian Capital of Melbourne.
In March 2016 I had a week off work from that zero hours contract job at a Catholic function Centre in Western Sydney. I secured a ticket to attend the filming of ROCKWIZ. I have always wanted to be in the audience of this show and I was lucky to get a ticket.
The only downer was the recording was done in Melbourne, a town I had never ever set foot in my 30 years of life.
Even though I was born in that disgusting shithole imperialist, white run, no ferries island of Australia. I hardly saw much of my own country of birth.
I spent 28 years residing in the same house in Baulkham Hills from age 2 in 1988 to age 30 in April 2016. I lived all my life within the suburbs of Western Sydney, I worked in the Sydney CBD a few times.
I took a bus down to Canberra and the Snow mountains aged 12 in 1998, I went to Brisbane to see my older brother in 2005, I took many trips to Canberra Between 2009-2010 to see Lord and Hellbringer, I visited my Father in Cairns 7 times in 8 years, I flew to Darwin on Christmas Day 2014 to board a plane to Timor Leste.
But never In my entire life had I ever been to Melbourne. I also never set foot in WA, TAS, SA so that's pretty much 4/7 of Australia I have seen.
One day in March I took a cheap overnight train from Sydney Central Station all the way to Southern Cross Station in Melbourne. 12 hours it takes to travel between the two biggest cities by rail or road. If you hate OVERLANDING, then it's a 1.5-hour flight.
On my first trip to Melbourne I:
- Visited the War Memorial
- Had lunch with my New Zealander cousin Georgina in the CBD
- walked to the MCG where AFL and Cricket are played
- Took a train south to Springvale to visit a few hundred Commonwealth War graves
- Visited the Parliament of Victoria.
I found Melbourne to be a cool city, but it was so full of hipsters (not that I have anything against hipsters). In the time of my life, I was kinda happy having a ticket to see King Diamond in London, a flight booked to Manila in May and I had a good paying Casual job in my home town.
But then all of a sudden things really did become shit for me. I won't go into much details of it but let this post explains how I ended up in the UK in April 2016 and how I ended back in Australia in July 2016
After the turbulent times in the UK of not getting a job, being xenophobic to my Eastern European Housemates (Height of the EU referendum) and prospect employer in Berkshire. I ended back in Cairns Australia 12th July 2016.
I went back to my Dad's house in Cairns to wait for a few things.
1) Waiting to get back on the Newstart Allowance (AKA THE UNEMPLOYMENT DOLE)
2) Waiting for my 2015/2016 Tax Return to arrive in my bank account.
Now I could have stayed in Cairns, got a job and just lived an Australian life an accepted that I would never get to live in the UK again because I blame EU European Migrants for TAKING MY JERBS!
My Father said that if I was to live in his unit LONG TERM I would be like DEAD FISH. Living with an Elderly Person who is single and alone really bugs the shit out of them. Plus my Dad was spewing that I had never tried to live in London!
After 2 weeks in Cairns, I decided I would fly to Melbourne and just start up from there. I booked a week's accommodation at Pint on Punt Hostel in St. Kilda. Flying into Melbourne that day, I was reunited with the famous MYKI travel card. I took a cheap bus from the Airport to get out to the Melbourne Railway system.
By the time I was walking south towards St.Kilda I was calling up a lady in Flemington. She wanted me to stay at her house for 8 weeks for 900 AUD. I told her I would move in a week later.
I paid around $140AUD for a weeks accommodation in this Hostel in St.Kilda. I moved into a 4 dorm room that had 3 other English Lads.
Being the only Australian Born person in this room made me a bit of a laughing stock. These English Guys were on Working Holiday visas earning big dough doing jobs I'd never thought of ever doing.
Since I had been to 49 nations at the time (July 2016) all 3 English lads were stoked how I was able to get to 1/2 a century of nations. They all thought I had rich parents or a wealthy dead Grandma.
These lads were full of stories. One of the men told me that he made his STEP SISTER pregnant when he first met her but she aborted the baby. He said it didn't count as incest as there were no blood relations.
I told these guys the story about how I abandon living in the UK in June 2013 so I could return to Australia and have sex with a Mature escort. They were all laughing their heads off. "YOU CAME BACK TO OZ SO YOU COULD FUCK A PROZZIE MATE?" said the man on the bottom bunk.
I told these guys the name of a Pornstar/escort called Mia Monroe who would charge $500 a fuck for 1/2 an hour. Then I mentioned there were wannabe pornstars working at THE PRIVATE CLUB in Aston.
I even told them the story of how I went to Montreal in May 2010 to meet Pornstar Carol Cox but spent all day JACKING OFF IN THE BATHROOM when she turned me down.
"YOU WERE JACKING OFF IN THE SINK ALL DAY?" They all found it hilarious. They all called me SCREECH just like that dingbat from SAVED BY THE BELL.
During my week in Pint on Punt Hostel, I gained my Victorian RSA Certificate so I could serve alcohol, I did working with children check, I asked for my job at Pinnacle People in Melbourne as I had worked in Sydney.
It was easy to get my old job at Pinnacle People back, but everything the Sydney office sent got lost in the transaction. The wankers at the Melbourne Office told me how I had like 2 AWESOME reviews from all the hard work I did in Sydney.
You got to remember that in Sydney I sold chips at the NRL Grand Final, I sold beer at Fleetwood Mac, sold Hotdogs at Test Cricket and Big Bash league, Beer the Rugby 7's tournament, Burger at Madonna, Chips at Kevin Hart.
So if I was able to work at all of these great events in Sydney then I should have been able to repeat the same formula in Melbourne.
I moved into a house at 177 Princes Street in Flemington. I was north of the Melbourne CBD. Only a few minutes by train or tram to the heart of Melbourne. I paid 900 AUD for 8 weeks of rent + 1 week of a deposit.
I was the only Australian Born person in this house. From what I remember there was a Venezuelan animator living in the 1st room, a Colombian guy living in the 2nd bedroom.
The 3rd Bedroom was basically a dormitory room. There were 12 beds in this one room. The house had 2 bathrooms, a big kitchen table.
It was 3 months since I walked out of that Smethwick shithole thanks to my Romanian/Polish Male flatmates complaining about room and body odours. Being the only Australian born person in this house, I was very worried about repeating my bad actions.
So every day I took a shower and every 2 days I did my laundry.
When you move cities, all the things in your life change. I had to find a new Doctor in Melbourne to dispense my medication. There were no BULK BILLING GP in Melbourne City so I had to settle for a Super Clinic in Moonee Ponds north of my house in Flemington.
Moonee Ponds Medical Centre. Avoid at all costs.
I go in there while I was living in Punt on Pint. I see this Dr Dedu Rathnayake who shouldn't even be practising within Australia. I showed her all of my medical records from Sydney, I told her all of the Medicines I take.
I take the prescriptions to the Chemist all they give me was the bare minimum. I grew up with 3 bottles of Cortate in every repeat and two inhalers you PUSH DOWN ON. I only got 1 bottle of Cortate and 2 inhalers I never use!
I'm due for an Injection and I want it on the 29th of July, I show up that day and the pricks at Moonee Ponds Medical Centre tell me that my appointment is on the 29th Of August. I just need to see a nurse to stick an injection into my ass!
I call my GP in Baulkham Hills and they basically told me these dimwits in Melbourne can't give me the right amount of medicines because they don't know me very well.
I told my GP that I would be back up in a few weeks.
Due to the fact that my job at Pinnacle People gave me zero hours contract. I had to abide by the rules of Newstart Allowance, meaning reporting weekly into some Job Centre type of Office to tell them what I am doing.
I had to do a lot of this in Sydney, even when I was working. Back in Australia you could work part-time and still get Newstart Allowance. It wasn't called Double Dipping. All you had to do was report to Centrelink the hours you worked and the money you earned before TAX. The Dole reporter works out how much you can get paid depending on your earnings. So if you did fuck all work in 2 weeks that's $550 from the government.
In this Job Centre called Direct Recruitment I had a lady bitching about my CV structure. Like come on you stupid cow, I have gained job interviews with this CV so go fuck yourself.
The fuckwits at Direct Recruitment tried to draft me into work for the DOLE. Despite the fact that I had been abroad for the last 3 months and had just resumed my life in Australia.
I last did work for the DOLE in 2007. It was what I wanted to do as it gave me a job to get out of bed and feed the HOMELESS in Parramatta. 9 years later they want me cutting down trees.
The government has sent me to Job service providers in Melbourne Direct Recruit. Like the pricks whom I dealt with @ Break Thru Peoples Solutions, Mission Australia, Nova Employment, Wise Employment. These CUNTS gave me no help at all. Their Computers were broken and their staff were so stuck up naïve dicks.
So I transferred myself to another Job Service Provider in the same town I lived in Flemington.
I resume my job at Pinnacle People in the first week of August. But it was this dumb immigrant Mary was calling me in to do a job that started in 90 minutes. So I had to go from my house in Flemington to the Pinnacle Peoples office to buy a shitty uniform and go all the way out to a glorious private school of Melbourne Girls Grammer to clean the kitchen with an Irish Chef.
I would be sent out to this stupid private school to clean its kitchen. I just didn't understand that being in Melbourne I wasn't getting asked to work at AFL, NRL games. It was football season and if I was still in Sydney sure I'd be working the SCG, SFS every few weekends.
I needed to get another job so I could have a 2nd income. On Saturday I went out to Lygon Steakhouse near Carlton. To do a trial I was hoping this was going to be a fresh start being a waiter. But because the owner saw me as a waiter with only 3 years experience he gave me the cold shoulder and told me to leave.
I rang up the Steakhouse an hour later and told the Serbian owner to get fucked. I have nothing against any Serbian in the world (as I like the country) but yet again it was the case of a Foreigner Owner refusing to give an Australian Born person a chance.
A day later I was at Zum Zum Cafe in North Melbourne. The owner wouldn't give me a JOB all because I didn't know how to clear plates.
I had 2 interviews at two promising places in the South of Melbourne but neither restaurant ever had the balls to get back to me or even write a rejection letter.
If you don't write back to me a rejection letter then your a fuckhead!
I went back to Sydney for the first time in 4 months during August 2016. I had to collect some stuff from my Brothers house in The Hills District. My childhood friend Albert and his wife Novi allowed me to stay in their house in Strathfield. I had come up to Sydney on the morning Train and I had to go back down the following evening.
In this 24-hour time frame, I paid for sex with a north Shore escort. $200 of Tax Payers money spent on fucking a mature aged woman. This is what I do to get back at all the knobs who have rejected me over the years. This was the last time I had sex with this woman I had been visiting since 2013.
I told myself that If I ever move back to England, I will claim JSA benefits and spent UK tax Payers money on sex with Pornstars!
That Day I went back to my Sydney Doctor. Dr.Bob was so furious that a Doctor in Melbourne couldn't give me enough tablets in a repeat. Dr.Bob said if you run out of cortate, your blood pressure will drop and you'll get really sick.
I was so darn happy to walk out of this Bella Vista Doctors with a prescription that I could take across the NSW/Victoria border and get a chemist to dispense it for me.
I went back home that day to see my Brothers, his children and my Mum. I was so excited to see my Niece and Nephews 4 months away from Sydney.
I raced back to Melbourne that night so I could go to a job all the way out west of Melbourne. I had worked at this Public School doing a job I fucking hated.
A week later I was getting sent to do 2 jobs in one day. That Kenyan Fuckwit Mary Adekuoroye really started screwing around with me. The cunt cancelled all my shifts that week because of fuck ups. So that week in Melbourne I lost 24 hours of work. You x that by the casual Australian Pay rate and look at what I should have earned.
I even had easy work that involved going out and counting cars in the streets. That's was cancelled.
The worst thing you could do is get told to go to a job in Geelong on the other side of the Bay and be told while on the train that your job has been cancelled. So I went to Victoria State Library to do things on my website. All of a sudden I was told to do this online course and go work at Crown Casino.
I have never wanted to work in a Casino. It had been 10 years since the Star City Casino fuckwits didn't give me a job.
As soon as I walked into Crown Casino. I knew straight away Casino is horrible places to work at. My Mother told me this 10 years ago, my late Grandma was a blackjack dealer.
I overheard a female Receptionist complaining to a co-worker about her personal life. I heard a few SHITBOMBS being dropped. I had a hard time trying to get clothing for this job. I was hoping to work as a waiter at some function. But a Co-Manager working for Pinnacle People assisted me to be Kitchen porter.
I was the only Kitchen Porter at Crown Casino to wear an apron and hat. The Head Kitchen Porter in charge took a photo of me on his Smart Phone and called me a POOF AND DOOF. I had no idea this was the name of a homosexual bar in Melbourne but in my Opinion calling me that was Homophobic. even though I am a Heterosexual.
This shift was going to go from 8 pm till 4 am in the morning. This is some hours that really do go against my schedules. I've never worked past my Bedtime.
I found it stupid that all the Kitchen Porters had to put on gloves and put food on plates. I was called a Poof and Doof by a Redhead fuckwit. He told me to relax. I told this knob BITCH I HAVE FUCKING ANXIETY! This is something I have always wanted to say.
I called it quits on this job. I walked the fuck out. I was so damn angry at the bitch who put me in this job. I told her I wasn't going to be working as a Kitchen Porter any more.
Bitterness and disgusted. I walked home and took the tram back to my house. I told my Philipino Housemate how disgusted I was to be called a POOF AND DOOF. All my housemates were furious at what happened.
So, I got on the phone and reported the incident to Crown Casino. I was reporting 2 problems 1) Homophobic Slur used on a staff member who is Heterosexual 2) having a receptionist swear on the job.
The woman at Crown Casino was sorry to hear about my incidents. She would pass on my details to the person in charge.
The following week I spoke to the woman in Charge. I told her it was a bald fat, Asia-[AUstralian who called me a POOF AND DOOF at Crown Casino on the 25th August and there was also a male Red hair Chef.
I said to the woman on the end of the phone:"IF THIS WAS MOGADISHU AND YOU CALLED ME A POOF AND DOOF I'D BASH THE LIVING SHIT OUT THAT PERSON"
This was the only time in my life I have ever threatened someone. Back in the day, you could say "OH I HAVE FRIENDS IN THE AFRICAN NATION CONGRESS WHO CAN come OVER TO YOUR HOUSE AND BEAT YOUR RACIST ASS TO PULSE!" But these days threating to Bash the shit out of a homophobe in Melbourne oran Uzbek Terrorist in Stockholm can be seen as a threat.
I escaped working at Crown Casino the following day. I was glad not to be working on that Saturday because I got to meet Stephen and Jess from FLYING THE NEST. I inspired those guys dearly and so they did influence me a bit more.
I lasted worked a day in Melbourne on the 30th of August. I told the Korean lady at the rich Girl School that I wasn't going to be a kitchen porter anymore. I spoke to a knobhead at Pinnacle people and this cunt of a woman told me she had never laid eyes on my resume despite the fact I delivered my resume to their stupid office on my first day in Melbourne.
The Cow told me that Pinnacle People in Melbourne doesn't work sporting events and if I wanted to do that work I should enlist in Spotless. I had worked for those Spotless bastards in 2013/2014 and they were nothing more but retarded who like hiring Immigrant over Australian born people and not letting people move up.
I started to become REALLY SICK that week. It just started off with the flu but by the start of the following week, I was going downhill. I was throwing up, I couldn't keep my Medicine down, I couldn't keep anything down.
I went North to visit Dr.Dedu and she just gave me vomiting and Diahrea medication. She told me that Vomiting and Diahrea can't be related to the flu. Taking these medicines made me hallucinate meaning when I closed my eyes I could see various patterns.
I called my Mum in Sydney and she told me to go to the hospital and ask for a Hydrocortisone injection. The truth is if my body is throwing up my medicine I have to have this injection.
So I took a taxi to Royal Melbourne Hospital and was admitted instantly to an operating room. My Temperature was high, Blood pressure was high, I was dehydrated, my penis wasn't even producing an erection. I knew I was on death's door.
I could picture myself up that Pearly gates drinking cider with Jackie Collins and Cliff Burton. I wasn't ready to leave this earth aged 30 years and 9 months!
Some guy came into the room to give me an IV drip. it had been 20 years since I was last on a DRIP. 2 bags of IV fluids were made to rehydrate me. This GP asked me if I was British. I told him I was, but I was back in Australia because all the Eastern Europeans were taking my jobs!
This doctor found me funny.
Minutes later a male Chinese Nurse came into the room to inject Hydrocortisone into my arm. 2 injections did the trick. I was so happy to be in this hospital. I was wheeled into a ward where IV fluids were pumped into my arm.
I called up my parents in both Cairns and Sydney to tell them where I was. Dad told me not to do any work until I got back to Sydney. Mum asked that my Cousin Georgia should run me over some Hydralight.
I was discharged from Hospital the following day. The next day I was summoned to go down the road and attend my stupid Job Centre appointment. The lady called Zoe condemned me for not turning up with a doctors note and for hanging up on her phone call.
This bitch called Zoe tried to get me a job at Crown Casino, but after the Homophobic slurs thrown at me and threats of Jihad thrown at Crown Casino, I bet I'll never set a toe in that shithole ever again!
The following week I was getting called in to do Handy Man work at Pinnacle People and even asked to work at the MCG. I was too scared to work a shift at the MCG due to all the I.S threats that were going around Melbourne. Plus I was still feeling shit.
One day I went out to have Chinese Lunch with my COusin Georgina. I'd seen her 3 times in Melbourne this year. I gave her some chocolate as a thank you for all the support she has given me at this time in Melbourne.
I felt glad that I was still sick as this was my GET OUT OF WORK CARD.
As for living in this house in Melbourne. I really did get along with all my housemates. I lived with people from Mexico, Colombia, Venezuela, Britain, Korea, Philipines.
When this New Zealander moved into the house, he really was an iron saviour to me. During my sick times, he used to think I had NARCOLEPSY. It was in the last few weeks in Melbourne that the Colombian Housemate had been drinking his milk and stealing my food.
One day a Police Officer and a GP from a Phyco hospital knocked on the door and asked if this man was still living here. The Kiwi guy asked me if we remembered him. I said this man appeared 3 weeks ago asking to move back in, but the landlady said no.
On the 20th of September 2016, I boarded a train back to Sydney. I was returning to my hometown after 5 months away.
I left behind so much bullshit in Melbourne. I had been fucked around by Pinnacle People, employers couldn't give me a job, Crown Casino was Homophobic to a Heterosexual man. But the important thing was that I lived in Melbourne, worked there and got along with my Housemates better than the scum in Smethwick.
Before I left Melbourne I booked a one-way ticket to Hong Kong for $176 AUD. I had always dreamt about going to Hong Kong since I was a little boy. Since I was heading to The Kong I also decided it would be my best interest to get on the Trans Siberian Railway in Vladivostok as it has been a train I'd been wanting to take since 2016.
. My mother collected me from the Shopping Centre in Castle Hill and drove me to her friend's house down the road. It was good to be back in Sydney. She was shocked at the way I was looking. I hadn't eaten well in the past few weeks.
My Mum was house sitting an Indian friends parents house while they went to Hawaii for the week. We had to look after a big dog called Tasha who was 14 years old while they were away. That weekend I went out to see Bastardizer at a club in Newtown. Guitarist Bill Morgan dedicated a song to OVERLAND METALHEAD
A week after I left Melbourne I moved into a Chinese family house in Winston Hills. I had my own room again. Mum had brought me a lot of food that I kept in a box, she paid my rent for me.
In return, I helped my Mum move into a big house in the Western Suburbs of Sydney.
7 weeks after I left Melbourne, I flew out of Sydney, went to Hong Kong for 5 days before flying to Vladivostok and overland it to London in 3 weeks and 2 days. I had moved back to the UK for the 3rd time in less than 18 months.
Since I resumed my life in the UK. there have been times that I have felt that I would give up on Britain and go back to Australia, but there is one thing for sure. I will never ever live in Melbourne ever again. Everyone at Pinnacle People, Lygon Steakhouse, Direct Recruitment, Spotless Group can all go and get fucked for all I care!
It was during those 8 weeks living in a dormitory room in Flemington that inspired me to live a whole year in London Hostel. So far I have lived like 16 months in London hostels before finding my feet in my current North London home.