2016 has been one of my biggest years in travel, life and whatnot. I spent 4 months overseas, I went to 14 new nations, I stayed in the UK for 2 months and lived away from my Mums house.

​Here are my top 10 moments that mattered in 2016
 
1 Seeing Joanna Lumley at the “Absolutely Fabulous” premier in Melbourne

I moved down to Melbourne from Cairns. On the day I moved into the awesome shared house in Flemington, I went to Crown Casino to see the AB FAB premier in Melbourne.
I didn’t end up getting to see the movie for another week. But the important thing was that I saw Joanna Lumley in the FLESH.
 
When I saw Joanna Lumley travel from Egypt to Rwanda along the Nile River. It made (me) a grown man cry. So, when I saw Joanna Lumley walking the red carpet in her Patsy character I just couldn’t help but cry

2 Living in the UK for 2 months to see King Diamond
 
In February 2016 I got a ticket to see King Diamond in London on the 21st of June 2016.
The bad thing is I left Australia 2 months later and had to deal with moving between cousins houses and hostels in the UK because I walked out of the Smethwick Shithouse because of dirty Immigrant scumbag Pricks from Poland and Romania.
 
When I saw King Diamond live (a few days after he turned 60) I just felt so emotional to see that man live. Ustu from Denial of God told me that seeing King Diamond live can make a grown man cry. Well it did for me
 
It was so nice to see King Diamond sing the Abigail album from start to finish as well as a couple of Mercyful Fate songs and early King Diamond stuff

​3) Traveling on the Trans SiberianRailway
 
Every time I left to go to the UK I always had to take a cheap flight from Vietnam. This time I decided I would travel overland from Vladivostok to London without flying.
 
Preparing for the Trans-Siberian wasn’t that bad. I got my Russian invite, my 3 week visa was granted and I only paid 92 quid for a 3rd class train from Vladivostok to Moscow
 
Some jerk as Sydney Airport from Air Asia fucking criticized me for spending 5 days in Hong Kong before flying to Vladivostok and taking the week-long train to Moscow. I barked like a dog at Air Asia and they apologies.
 
A week on the Trans-Siberian was so much fun. I sang TROLOLOLO, drank beer with the Russian, made a new friend called Artov and I turned 31. When I got off the train in Moscow I only had a month to get back to the UK for X-mas
 
 
Everyone who loves OVERLANDING needs to take the Trans Siberians between Vladivostok and Moscow and if any prick says to you that flying is better or your crazy. TELL THEM TO GET STUFFED!

4) A few days in Sweden.

I said on my list in 2016 that I would go to Sweden.
 
I did just that by sailing from Helsinki to Stockholm. When I got off the boat in Stockholm, I found one of the best cities in Europe.
 
I fell in love with Sweden, the food, its people and its music.
 
It was wonderful to: visit the royal palace, Rock out at the ABBA museum, visit Quorthon grave at night, say the Our Father at Greta Garbo grave, find the DPR Korean embassy and meet and awesome author B Sandy.

5)A week in the Baltics
After boring myself out in Moscow. I decided to cross into Estonia. The Estonian Border Police were stunned to see a British Chap had gone from Vladivostok to Estonia without flying.
Tallinn, Riga and Vilnius will always be 3 cities in Europe I would return to any day of the week.
They all have their history being under occupation from the Russians, Nazis and Soviets.

6) Visiting my cousins in Guernsey, Aberdeen & Newcastle
 
I got 2 cousins of mine from New Zealand. I see Charles every time I come back to the UK. I haven’t seen Lisa since I was 5.
 
Seeing both of my cousins in the most unique places in the British Isles was fantastic. I have kept in touch with them allot
 
I also remember meeting my Dad distant cousin Mike Ryan in Newcastle. We found each other on Genes Reunited.

​7) Traveling from Middlesbrough to Gravesend Kent to be reunited with Beverly the Granny Escort (AND THEN REVIEWING METAL CHURCH).
 
It was the 10th of May I had to be in two places on the same day.  I needed to be in Gravesend Kent to meet up with Beverly the Granny escort and I had to be in Camden to see Metal Church.
 
So I got up at 6am, got on the 7am bus to London. Got off at Victoria Bus Station. rub
 
Raced across to Kent to see Beverly for another ½ an hour of rubbing tugging and SKEET SKEET SKEETING.

Before I put my Heavy Metal clothes on and went out to see Metal Church at THE UNDERWORLD in Camden town.
 
The dude issuing me my ticket thought it was fucking cool that I had written my confirmation number down on a Train Ticket to Gravesend.
 
Metal Church kicked ass. I was never a fan of Metal Church until I saw them that night in London


8) Moving out of home at 30
 
I left my Mothers nest on the 22nd of April 2016 to go back overseas. I didn’t see my mother again for another 4 months.
 
I spent most of 2016 living with cousins in the UK, living with my father in Cairns, I lived in Melbourne for 2 months before I went back to Sydney to live with a Chinese family in Winston Hills.
 
My relationship with my mother improved dearly. I helped her move into her new house near the Blue Mountains. But still at 31 I just don’t want to live with her anymore. Mothers are always going to provoke their own sons, even when they are still living at home at 30.


9) I acted like a Metalhead Lunatic at “A Kylie Christmas” at the Royal Albert Hall.
 
When I left the UK in June 2016 to travel in Asia, I was sad that I was missing out on Kenny G & Heart. If I had just showed every day in Smethwick and Washed my clothes maybe I wouldn’t have had a Xenophobic outburst and send threats to my wanker landlord Kevin Grandison in Birmingham.
 
Meaning the UK government would have paid me benefits to look for work in this country.
 
I arrived back in the UK 7th December 2016. 1 months after I had left home in Sydney
 
I was walking through Hyde Park on a Friday evening when I noticed that Kylie Minogue was performing at the Royal Albert Hall. She was on her 2nd year of X-mas shows at RAH.
 
I was a Kylie fan from aged 8 to 22 (1993-2008) After February 2008 I stopped being a Kylie fan as I was a raging Metalhead who hated Popstars.
 
When I saw the photos outside I thought to myself: “Well I was born in that shithole Australia and I was a Kylie fan for 14 years” I might as well go see her.
 
So that’s what I did. I got a ticket for Friday night with good seats and I did what I usually do at a Metal Concert.
 
I was headbanging, playing air guitar, doing whirlwind head bangs and yelling “scream for me LONDON” and “LISTEN TO DREAM THEATER”

​Watch that Movie “OLD SCHOOL” and you will remember one of the most famous lines in that  movie
 
GB guy: Hello!
guy: Yeah
GB guy: I’m here for the Gang Bang
guy  {Sigh}

So, what is a “Gang Bang” you may ask? Well a Gang Bang is an event that is usual held at some guy’s house (or a Swingers club). There are 1-2 women present and about 5-13 men. The men take turn fucking the ladies.
 
A typical gang bang party can go for up to 4 hours and have more than 6 women and less than 14 men.
 

​I lost my virginity at a Gang Bang on the 12th June 2010. It’s not the most exciting place to lose your virginity. I was going to lose it with an Escort Jane in Sydney July 2009, but I was too fucking nervous to go through with it and I wouldn’t see a private escort until July 2013
 
I was hoping to lose my virginity with Carol Cox in May 2010. But when I went to a bar in Montreal, she got drunk and turned me down. So, I spent the next day JACKING OFF IN THE BATHROOM!
 
The Gang Bang was hosted at a private house in Castle Hill. The hostess of the party was a lady called CJ and her Husband was doing the door.

When I walked into CJ’s house her husband said I looked like Nathan Hindmarsh. I was growing my hair at 24 and I had a mullet.

I paid my $90 to get and there are so much finger food and non-alcoholic drinks. CJ pours me a passion fruit drink.
 
There are about 6 or so women at this party and about 12 men. Everyone gathers around to watch Rugby Union.
 
Around 8.30pm Michael explains the rules of the Gang Bang Party

• Condoms are not that mandatory
• Smokers must smoke outside in the cold
• There are showers upstairs

If you don’t want any photos, warn me now otherwise, I’ll forget

So, after all the rules have been said, everyone starts running upstairs and stripping off. This was winter in Australia. It may have been cold outside, but it was hot in CJ’s house.
 
I was too shy to get naked. So, I just took off my pants and jumper and started kneeling on the carpet. 

CJ was lying on a mattress naked. I stuck my finger inside her pussy to discover what it felt like. CJ reacted so badly like she hasn’t had a dick up there in a week

.While I was on my hands and knees, I put a condom on and CJ started blowing me. It was such a weird feeling to have my penis sucked for the first time. When a woman rolls her tongue over the male Urethra, it tends to excite the man.

While CJ was blowing me, her Husband came in and started taking photos. He did warn us all that he would be walking around the house taking photos of people having sex.

I had no ambitions of being a Pornstar. So, I yelled out: “HEY NO PHOTOS MAN!” Surprisingly Michael took a photo of his naked wife, but my ugly jumper had to be in the photo for laughs.
 
After CJ gave me “my first every Blowjob”. I was thinking about doing this woman. 

I was trying to stick my cock in this woman pussy, my penis is turning itself off because It doesn’t want to fuck this woman! My brain is saying the same thing.
 
The woman (I don’t remember her name) told me to relax as I wasn’t hard enough. I just told her, sorry I’ve never had sex before.
 
 
So, I went next door to watch a Japanese guy bang a blonde, slim woman. I couldn’t help but to pull my cock out and get a RAD blowjob from this lady. I don’t know how many cocks she’s had in her mouth and pussy tonight. But it seems like a few.
 
By the end of the night I was having sex for the first time with CJ.  So, I put a condom and just had sex with her.

I was too shy to get naked because there were other people watching. I was wearing a singlet while fucking.
 
 
After I lost my virginity I went around town telling my mates and friends about it. I even walked into my old work place at FCM Sales in Baulkham Hills to tell my mate that I went to a Gang Bang and lost my virginity.

My mate (who had just been out of a shitty marriage) wanting to spice up his life. But my mate couldn’t do it because there were too many cock in the room

I went to a Concert 2 weeks later. Dimitri went up to me and said: “Hey Martin, I heard you went to a Gang Bang, how was it?”

Every time I saw Dimitri we would always talk about the GANG BANG!

2 months later I returned to CJ Gang Bangs and this time It was worse that the last time. There were less ugly woman and I even turned down a blowjob by a fat Italian woman.

 When I was walking around in my underwear at CJ house I just wanted to yell out to the Ladies:”  YOU WANNA BLOW DIS HOSE YEAH YOU WANNA BLOW THIS HOSE” and I kind of wish one of the females would say: “HEY I’M REALLY GOOD AT BLOWING HOSES”
 
So, CJ gave me another awesome blowjob as her husband started taking photograph and getting with other women. 
 
If I can remember clearly, the sex with CJ on the 2nd time was better than the 1st.  I still wasn’t getting naked, or ejaculating in her pussy.
​
 But I had created a manoeuvre where you grab hold of the bed post and start swinging into the woman.
You may break the bed if you do this. So, I recommend buying a parallel BAR and installing it above the bed post
 
I was kissing CJ frantically as she started rubbing her nails into my back and scratching me. Satan this was such wonderful sex.
 
I remember jacking off in the BIN as CJ  was too busy tiding up her place. It would take me another 3 years until I would get to ejaculate on a woman’s face

After sex, 2 top blokes were telling me how good I was with my Horizontal bar swing.
​
I walked home that night from Castle Hill and I just continued with my normal life. Stryper came to town the next week and this was a Christian Heavy Metal band from America.

When they sang “Reach Out” I raised my hand in the air and said “OH FORGIVE ME LORD FOR HAVING PREMARTIAL SEX” God had forgiven me for having sex 2 times in 2010.

 
The worst thing that happened next, was I didn’t get laid again until July 2013 to visit Amsterdam, I first went to Amsterdam in June 2013 to find a slim redhead mature to have sex with. But I ended up getting a RAD BLOWJOB during that visit.
 
3 years later I was banging a 58-year-old prostitute in Amsterdam and I was getting naked with her.

  By the end of the month I was having sex with an Escort (that I had been putting off for years) in Sydney and it was then I could get naked with another woman, lick pussy, use a vibrator and give Facial.
 
This was the start of something new in my life: MILF HUNTING, GILF HUNTING, BANGING OLDER WOMEN & PAYING FOR SEX.

 
In March 2014, I went to a Gang Bang in South Grandville. There was only 1 word I could describe the woman at this Gang Bang.. Her name was Sue and she was doing about 14 men in one afternoon while making about $1400 to split with her friend.
 
The Hostess kept on saying to this Arab people” IT’S A GANG BANG, ONE LADY NO REFUNDS”
 
At this Gang Bang, some guy started to rest his head on my shoulder. So, I brushed him off and said “I’m not BI!”
 
I had sex with Sue, but my penis wasn’t that hard. Seeing that unpretty a woman and the large amount of men just gave me erection problems. It wasn’t rad sex but at least she gave me a hand job and I left.
 
I would spend the next day at my mate Jerry office at a Catholic Church, telling him about this Gang Bang. Jerry was scolding me for going out to South Grandville and paying for sex.
 
The years went by since I last saw CJ and I haven’t seen her since August 2010. Every time I would go to a Convert Guilt gig. There was this guy called Ollie and he too had seen CJ before. I first met Ollie at a Trench Hell gig and he told me that CJ gave him an awesome BLOWJOB.


One time at a Hellbringer, Backyard Mortuary & Convent Guilt gig. I started telling some of my old school metalhead friends about this recent GANGBANG

Martin: guys I went to a Gang Bang in South Grandville last month and it was fucking awful

Josh from Hellbrnger: OH MARTIN YOUR ALWAYS GOING ON ABOUT THE GANG BANG!

Martin: But I haven't been to one in 4 years man!

Months after I went to this horrible South Grandville Gang Bang, I saw this escort and  told her about the Gang Bang of South Grandville. She sat down with me and said:


“So, a Gang Bang is where there is 10 men and 1 woman and they all take turn fucking her?” I said “YES” in my best Mr. Burns voice.
 
This lady told me that Gang Bangs are so derogatory against woman as its 10 against one and men are so stupid to think about this idea.
 
We’ll let says If we change the gender around. There are 10 women and one men and this man takes turns fucking every one of the ladies. Well then, it’s a reverse GANG BANG!

The reality of a Gang Bang is the same of a Swingers parties. People are there to watch you have sex with women who maybe older or Young than you. If you’re a man who hates seeing another penis. Then you can either avoid looking at other men, or you might as well just get an escort where you can have all the fun you want.
 
I have had a FFM threesome back in the day. But I could never have a MFM threesome at all. Even if it was my best mate and his wife. It’s the other man that would cause me to have erections problems.
 
I feel allot more comfortable having sex with a woman behind closed doors. We can both create awesome memories without other people watching.


In the end DON'T GO TO A GANG BANG. Just get one-on-one with another lady

It was 26th June 2009. I was a 23-year-old Sydney sider who had made himself redundant through choice. I would sleep in till 12pm and not give a fuck about life.

On that day Michael Joseph Jackson died of a HEART attack after a deliberate overdose of Anaesthetist medication propofol , thanks to Dr Conrad Murray.
​
 My mother woke me up at 8am Sydney time to tell me The King of Pop was dead at 50.
 
I logged onto my laptop and I started playing Lamb of God “Laid to Rest” off their 2003 record. “Ashes of the Wake” At the time in my life, Lamb of God meant ALLOT TO ME. It was the lyrics “See Who Gives a FUCK!” that had a pure “STICK IT TO YA BRAIN” type of statement

 The lyrics were right for me at the time. I didn’t give a flying FUCK that MJ was dead, I didn’t care at all.

Allot of my friends were saying stuff like “GOOD RIDDANCE" "the death of a paedo” and making jokes like “The McJackson is a 50-year-old piece of meat on a 10-year-old bun”.
 
I was never a fan of MJ, I never listened to his music, I never brought his CD’s, I never saw him in concert or even ILLEGALY download his music.
 
I just wasn’t affect by his death at all. Other people were crying, but I was asking the question: “See who gives a fuck!”


The day after MJ Public Funeral, the singer “Midnight” from the band “Crimson Glory” died in Florida  aged 47. He was a man who had probelms with the bottle. He died of Medical complications after vomiting blood and not going to the hospital.
 
I was not a fan of Crimson Glory, but the death of MIDNIGHT affected me in many ways possible. 2 weeks ago, everyone is mourning the King of Pop death. 

The death of a legend to many Power Metal fan around the world was only mentioned on Heavy Metal news website BLABBERMOUTH and other Metal fanzines.

The death of a legend to many Power Metal fan around the world was only mentioned on Heavy Metal news website BLABBERMOUTH and other Metal fanzines.
 
After Midnight died. I became a fan of Crimson Glory. I feel in love with their first 2 records “Crimson Glory” and “Transcendence”. I never gave a shat about their 3rd record, as it wasn’t a Crimson Glory album.

Every 8th of July, I write to my friend Dave to remind him that its Midnight’s  anniversary of death. This saddens us both because the day Midnight died nobody outside of Metal gave a FUCK!

4 years after the Death of Midnight, I donned on a Crimson Glory shirt, my heavy metal vest. I went over to a MILF’s house in Sydney and had wild sex with her.

She thought my Heavy Metal vest was awesome and she gave me more than a rad BLOWJOB. It was the day I was cured of Erectile Dysfunction.

3 years after the passing of Midnight, My Uncle Brian Gardner died in Napier of a Heart attack in his sleep. He had just turn 71 a few weeks ago, I had seen him twice in the past 8 months.

I saw him as the best Relative I had out of all my Mum’s brothers and sisters.
 
I was devastated when my Mum woke me up at 6am to tell me Uncle Brian had died. Mum was in tears and I was in shock. I had to go to work that day. I even slammed a pot (at work) so hard out of frustration.
 
I had to take the next Monday off work because I was so distraught about my favourite Uncle passing away. I was also pissed that I couldn’t go over to the funeral to farewell him, even though I had the money and it was only 2 weeks until I went overseas again.
 
Here I was, about to embark on my 2nd trip to England to finally find the family my Dad left behind.  I had to put on a brave face.

A month later I would end up backstabbing my dead Uncles Nephew John Hurford in London, because John wasn’t supportive of me moving to the UK. John was in love with a tramp called Bronwen who was a bitch to me.

2 months after my Uncle Brian died I wrote to every family member in New Zealand to tell them what I had been up to overseas and how sad I was at Uncle Brian’s passing. Nobody replied to me and they all made me feel like a nasty narcissist.

3 months after my Uncle Brian’s passing, I destroyed every single photograph I had of my New Zealand family. I had been over to reunion between 2008-2012 and they all got fucked up because my Aunt Kathy was a cow to me.


I made it clear to John in August 2012, that I would never attend anymore stupid family reunions and I won’t go back to New Zealand. I would rather sleep with escorts aged over 40 or visit poor nations than go back to New Zealand.

In the last few years allot of Musicians I had seen live in have passed on. It was the passing of Dio, Frank Watkins (Obituary), Jeff Heinemann (Slayer) and Wayne Static that affected me.

​I had seen these musicians live on stage and when they died the thought of “THEM NOT BEING WITH US ANYMORE” did stun me. 

One of my Dad’s cousin in England died in 2014 and she was very close to my Father. I was devastated because I never got to meet this cousin.

I told my Dad about it and I said “I KNOW YOU DON’T CARE BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW” and my Dad told me the story about how his Cousin and how close he was to her


I had to call my Grandma up that night because it was her Niece that died and the pain anyone goes through when they lose a Nephew or Niece is like the same as if they lost their own child.

In 2014 Gough Whitlam died at the age of 95. I said “GOOD RIDDANCE” as I drank a beer and went to work. When I got home at night I was telling my sleepy Mother about Gough Whitlam’s passing.

Mum scolded me for saying “GOOD RIDDANCE” about the passing of Gough.

But my Mother was a lady who lived through the Whitlam era of Australia. She was a new migrant (and was giving the same voting right as another new migrant to Australia at the time). But My Mother’s first 3 years in OZ were HELL thanks to Whitlam. When Fraser was sworn in he still brought trouble to my newly married parents.
 
Months later Malcolm Fraser was DEAD and I said “Good Riddance”  and drank a beer.

I didn’t give a flying fuck when Whitlam or Fraser has passed on. Call me UN-AUSTRALIAN OR ANTI-AUSTRALIAN or a HATER OF AUSTRALIA, but Whitlam and Fraser caused a huge Genocide in Timor Leste that happened for 24 years.


I have forgiven Indonesia for causing this shit. I spend money in Indonesia, But I will never forgive Australia for arming Suharto’s Indonesia and then stealing Timor’s OIL MONEY after Independence.

In November 2014, I celebrated my 29th Birthday. I was having sex with a hot MILF when I finally ejaculated during sex. This cured my delayed ejaculation.
​
I had sex like 23 times in my life, but finally ejaculating during intercourse was one huge big thing. I was free of sexual sigma as I celebrated with this MILF.

I took the bus home to Castle Towers when my Mother was telling me that my Aunt Cecily was dying and she wouldn’t make it. Mum was blabbering that her sister had Leukaemia. I got off the bus to meet my cousin,when he told me the news that my Aunt was Dead.

I didn’t go into shock; I didn’t cry nor did I get sadness and depression. I just didn’t give a flying fuck that my Aunt was Dead.

Reason being: I hated her, she was a fucking fruit loop of an Aunt and a critic. She would bitch and moan about certain aspects of my life (having a beard and not visiting Rome)
 
I just fucking hated my Aunt Cecily.  My mind was celebrating that she was dead. It was hard to feel sad about the passing of someone I disliked.

The last thing I told Aunt Cecily that  my cousin John is a tool, Bronwen is a BITCH and I’d rather go visit the other 163 nations of the UN and put money in their pockets.

I’m glad I didn’t go to the funeral. My Aunt Cecily would have told me to spend the airfare on a flight to South Africa. If I had gone to the funeral, I would have called my cousins wife Bronwen a BITCH (to her face) and I would have shirt fronted my fuckwit cousin John Hurford for being a tool to me.

A month later, I saw a 60+ woman in Sydney for sex. After sex, I told her that my Auntie died and I didn’t give a fuck at all.

​ The MILF told me that your free to live your life and you shouldn’t let other people’s death drag you down and affect you, even when you had no love for them.

I went overseas to Singapore to revisit my mates GREAT UNCLE who died in the fall of Singapore. His Uncle is buried in a cemetery with over 4000 people whom died during WWII, the Malaysian emergency and the Brunei revolt.

Every time I set foot in a War Cemetery in Singapore, Malaysia, Papua New Guinea, London, I am devastated and sadden that so many people have died as the result of 2 World Wars and other conflicts
​
I wasn’t alive when the conflicts happened, but people should never forget the cost of war. That’s why both Commonwealth and German war graves are maintained well, we keep the memory alive.

In September 2015, the well-loved British Author Jackie Collins passed away in LA aged 77, after a long battle with breast cancer. This sent shockwaves through the world as this was the passing of one of the best romance writers of all time. 

When I picked up any of her books, reading the words: COCK, PUSSY, BOOB, TITS, BREAST, FUCKING AND SEX would give me an instant boner. Her books have kept me away from looking at pornography. Even though Christian cunces are going to call this porn as well.

I was devastated when Jackie Collins had died. Why was I devastated? she was born in the country that I pledge alliance to, that I use their passport and I ask for protection from. She was British, like I am and the death of a famous British Citizens affect me in the same way when Lee Rigby died.

I never got to meet Jackie Collins, but she came to my hometown Castle Hill in October 2013. I became a fan of Jackie Collins after she died. I have read 3 of her books and I like to give them to my mother and friend Bill as gifts.

When Lemmy from Motorhead died in December 2015 of cancer.

​ I was fucking devastated. I had never seen Motorhead live or ever got any of their albums. Yet again the passing of a British legend of Heavy Metal saddened me.

Lemmy was a legend and a huge hero to plenty of musician on both sides of the Atlantic pond. He shall influence others from now on.

​2 Days after Lemmy’s funeral, David Bowie was dead. Yet again he was a British Citizen (like me) but I never brought any of his music. I just saw him as an awesome person. He was dead at a young age of Cancer. He wasn’t even 70 yet.

When Prince died suddenly on 21st April 2016. I was devastated. I am not an American Citizen, but the passing of a musician who I adored when I was 18 to 20 brought tears to my eyes. This was a guy who had ROCK AND ROLL roots even though allot of his music was classed as R&B.


In the end. We are going to live on in life as our mothers, fathers, Aunts and Uncles, Brothers and Sisters and hero’s pass on. How we react to their death is up to our own hearts and minds.
 
Mike Portnoy warn us all that we are about to enter a period in our lives where Musician who were famous and Popular in the 60’s and 70’s could be dead tomorrow.
 
I already made a list that when: Klaus Meine, John Myung, Rudolph Schenker, Kate Bush, Joanna Lumley, Chuck Billy, John Tardy, Phil Anselmo, Millie, Unkel Tom, Schimer, Snake, Linda Ronsdant, Pat Benatar, Biff Byford, Joe Elliot, Rick Savage, Kirk Hammet, Dave Mustaine, Kerry King, Scott Ian, King Diamond, Steve Grimmett, Kip Winger, Stephen Pearcy, Bruce Dickinson and Ted Poley dies
 
I WILL BE FUCKING DEVISTATED, CRYING AND SAD WHEN THEY ARE GONE.


And I will feel sad for most British Legends when they do pass on.

​I have never spoken about this ever on my website or my facebook page, or any social media platform.
 
I was a really big Kylie Minogue fan from 1993 till 2008 that was when I was aged between 8 and 22.
 
After my brother MJ took me to see Dream Theater in January 2008. I realize that I should listen to more METAL and Less POP
So around February 2008, I just lost interest in Kylie Minogue. In the years that came I met allot of Metalhead who hated her music, but loved her appearances as Kylie was a total MILF to my mates.
 
It was Friday 9th of December 2016. 2 days ago  I had completed a 15,000km journey from Vladivostok to London without flying. Once I made it back to the UK I celebrated by spending the night in a great B&B in Dover.

2 days later I was back in London less than 6 months after I left in June 2016. I was walking through my favorite part of London “Hyde Park” when I decided I would go check out what is happening at The Royal Albert Hall.
 
A week after I left London in June 2016, Heart played a gig at RAH. I was pissed that I wasn’t living in the UK. But then I though oh well it’s not going to be an awesome set list.
 
When I rocked up to the Royal Albert Hall I saw a photograph of Kylie Minogue. I thought to myself: “Is Kylie Minogue doing another X-mas show?” Then I realized yes she was.

I am so lucky to be in London at this time of the year. If I was in Sydney I would be having another shit X-mas in hot weather. Remember I have had 29 X-mas in Australia and 1 in New Zealand.
 
So, I thought to myself: Well I am British, I was born in Australia, I was a Kylie fan for 14 years. Maybe it’s time to treat myself.
 
I walk on into the Box Office and ask for a cheap ticket. For 80 quid I got really good Circle Seats and I could see all the action.

​I got in at 6pm and door opened at 7pm.
 
Kylie Minogue hit the stage at 8pm singing “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” a song I heard Kylie perform at last year’s Royal Variety Performance.
 
The backup dancer ladies were dressed up like X-mas presents while the bloke were looking like fucking NutCrackers.
Kylie welcomed up to the RAH and she was hoping for a better concert than last year

​Wonderful Christmastime

It’s a song that allot of people like to cover at Christmas time. Paul McCartney wrote this song and I had no idea it was a McCartney tune.
The first part of the ACT was all about Christmas Song. Kylie sang “Santa Clause is coming to Town”
 
I really loved hearing the song “At Christmas” and seeing all these foxy backup dancing ladies. Especially the two ladies who kept their legs up in the air while wearing RED SHOES. Gosh that so reminds me of banging a MILF while she wore WHITE HEELS
 
ACT Two was all about Kylie Minogue songs. She started off with “Come Into My World” before launching into the old School “Confide in Me”. Kylie welcomed to the stage “John Grant” a singer I have never heard of before.
 
Kylie kicked into “The One” a song I have never heard as I haven’t been listening to Kylie for 8 years.  Then I realized it was from “X” and I did have that album when I was 22.
 
ACT III was on and this occurred a costume change for everyone.

 

 
Olly Alexander went on stage to sing “Better The Devil You Know” as everyone basically got up and dance. I started headbanging and raising the horns., Because the horns do have a right to be in this song
 
I know allot of people who hate Kylie Minogue after she released that 3rd album as she was no longer A GOOD GIRL.
 
Olly Alexander is like pop version of Adam Lambert. Both men are GAY but at least Adam Lambert knows how to do QUEEN.
 
“celebration” was cranked out as yet again everyone started dancing>

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES CMON. ……
Al Gore:I WILL!
Kylie then cover East 17 Stay another day. When I was 8 years old EAST 17 were a really cold Boy Band. So I found it weird for Kylie to cover this song
Intermission was called while 50% of the audience got up for a drink or a Bathroom visit.
 
After the intermission everyone on stage started acting like they were at a Gay Pride Parade. Kylie walked on stage wearing the Gay Flag where out of nowhere Katherine Jenkins appeared wearing a big K on her HAT.
 
Both ladies sing “Your Disco Need You”, which in my opinion is a really shit song. If you’re going to duet on a  Kylie song, then please do “I should be so lucky”
 
Katherine Jenkins. Is a Welsh opera singer that kicks ass any day of the week. I last saw her live in December 2009. I watch her perform “Heros: on Michael McIntyre's Big Show
 
Katherine is a woman who knows how to sing anything. So in my opinion she really did wipe the floor with Kylie in this performance.
 
Kylie started talking about back home in Australia. X-mas in Australia is hotter than Niger, so it made Kylie want to sing 100 degree while all the gay male backup dancer started dancing in boxer short.
 
“Spinning Around” got me out of my seat  dancing and even slapping my ass. It what Kylie did in the music video while wearing 50p HOT PANTS.
 
Christmas Lights. A COLDPLAY X-mas Song. I didn’t really get it as I am not a fan of Coldplay.
 
In Act 5 Kylie did a fucked up jazz version of the Locomotion. I really hate the way she sings that song. Like c’mon her original cover was upbeat with snare blast, so why shit on Carol King with Jazz?
 
But I thought it was amazing to see the female back up dancer strip off their Santa outfits.  Guys Every Christmas buy you wife/girlfriend a Mrs. Clause outfit. She will love wearing it
 
After the lasses had stripped to a new outfit, Kylie sang “LET IT SNOW’ as the stage was dumped with FAKE SNOW.
 
Santa Baby was up next. Kylie Minogue has been singing this song since 1999. The first time I heard her sing this cover was in 1999 when she went to Timor Leste to entertain UN troop who were fighting Imperialist Dickhead Indonesian in the new nation.
 
As the orchestra started stringing everyone start clapping and yelling out LA LA LA LA LA LA. As Kylie launched into “Can’t get you out of my head:” as everyone started dancing
 
Kylie did another cover of “Everybody’s free (feel good)”.  Next up she was singing the Bee Gees “Night Fever” as I was yelling out DISCO SUCK! Dance music is fucking retarded so if your parents hated DISCO in the 70’s you had every right to hate dance music in the 80’s, 90’s 00’s and 2010’s
 
Kylie started singing “All the Lovers’ which got everyone starting to sing along. Throughout the night I was yelling out crap like
 
SCREAM FOR ME ROYAL ALBERT HALL
 
SCREAM FOR ME SYDNEY
 
SCREAM FOR ME LONDON
 
LISTEN TO DREAM THEATER
 
During this song I couldn’t help but yell out “DANGER DANGER” I was doing a repeat of what I did at Olivia Newton-John 2012 concert.
 
Kylie went off stage as well all started SCREAMING FOR AN ENCORE
 
 
Kylie went back on stage to sing “Silent Night” with the choir and orchestral. It was pretty cool to hear a classic.
 
We all had to sing along to the Jason Fucking Donovan part of “Especially for You”. This would make my cousins husband Dave jealous as I have seen Kylie 3 times, kissed her sister Dannii and prank called Jason Donovan.
 
Kylie ended the night on a high by singing “I wish It could be Christmas Everyday” A cover by the Glam Rock band Wizzard.
 
The next night I was back at the Royal Albert Hall to do it all again. It was the same shit, but I got to dance with a married lady.

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.

Its been a while since I wrote a blog post. I left Sydney on the 7th of November. I spent 5 days in Hong Kong, Macau and Shenzhen before I flew to Vladivostok Russia.

I got on board the Trans Siberian Railway on the 14th of November and I got off the train in Moscow on the 21st of November aged 31.

After 2 days in Moscow I grew bored with the capital city. So i crossed into the European Union. I spent a week in the Baltics visiting: Tallinn, Riga and Vilinus.

I sailed from Tallinn to Helsinki then onto Stockholm.


I had a lovely few days in Stockholm before I crossed the bridge to Copenhagen.

I had a shit day in Amsterdam that involved a Tranny hooker (nothing sexual happened but I lost 50 euros). I made it to Northern France where I visited my Uncle William Anthony name on the memorial in Dunkirk.

By the end of the 7th of December 2016. I sailed into Dover. It took me 3 weeks and 3 days to get from Vladivostok to the UK. I was very fortunanty to spend a whole month getting back to the UK rather than a stupid 12 hour flight from Saigon.


I lived in Tottenham for a week. I had a dishwasher trial that went well, but then I had a trial at Fish, Borough near London Bridge. When the wanker owner Waileed said I wasn't the person for the job, i told him to go fuck himself.#

I was suposed to go rent a room in Hammersmith with a Somali lady. But after a week living in a London Hostel. I am really sick of London. I am not ready for London yet.

So I am going to live in Newcastle Uppon Tyne for a few months. So I can settle in the UK. Do some shitty dishwashing work and earn some money.

I will not travel outside the UK/Ireland common travel zone untill sometime in 2017. I'm happy with going from 42 to 56 nations in 2016. But I have had a really shit year when it comes to work and houses. So I have  to do some work